The Magic Pudding Read online

again', but Bill gave him a punch on the snout thatbent it like a carrot, and Sam caught the Wombat such a flip with hisflapper that he gave in at once.

  'I shan't be able to fight any more this afternoon,' said the Wombat,'as I've got sore feet.' The Possum said hurriedly, 'We shall be latefor that appointment', and they took their grindstone and off they went.

  But when they were a safe distance away the Possum sang out: 'You'llrepent this conduct. You'll repent bending a man's snout so that he canhardly see over it, let alone breathe through it with comfort', and theWombat added, 'For shame, flapping a man with sore feet.'

  'We laugh with scorn at threats,' said Bill, and he added as a warning--

  'I don't repent a snout that's bent, And if again I tap it, Oh, with a clout I'll bend that snout With force enough to snap it.'

  and Sam added for the Wombat's benefit--

  'I take no shame to fight the lame When they deserve to cop it. So do not try to pipe your eye, Or with my flip I'll flop it.'

  The puddin'-thieves disappeared over the hill and, as the eveninghappened to come down rather suddenly at that moment, Bill said,'Business bein' over for the day, now's the time to set about makin' thecamp fire.'

  This was a welcome suggestion, for, as all travellers know, if you don'tsit by a camp fire in the evening, you have to sit by nothing in thedark, which is a most unsociable way of spending your time. They found acomfortable nook under the hedge, where there were plenty of dry leavesto rest on, and there they built a fire, and put the billy on, and madetea. The tea and sugar and three tin cups and half a pound of mixedbiscuits were brought out of the bag by Sam, while Bill cut slices ofsteak-and-kidney from the Puddin'. After that they had boiled jam-rolland apple-dumpling, as the fancy took them, for if you wanted a changeof food from the Puddin', all you had to do was to whistle twice andturn the basin round.

  After they had eaten as much as they wanted, the things were put away inthe bag, and they settled down comfortably for the evening.

  'This is what I call grand,' said Bill, cutting up his tobacco.'Full-and-plenty to eat, pipes goin' and the evenin's enjoyment beforeus. Tune up on the mouth-organ, Sam, an' off she goes with a song.'

  They had a mouth-organ in the bag which they took turns at playing, andBill led off with a song which he said was called--

  SPANISH GOLD

  'When I was young I used to hold I'd run away to sea, And be a Pirate brave and bold On the coast of Caribbee.

  'For I sez to meself, "I'll fill me hold With Spanish silver and Spanish gold, And out of every ship I sink I'll collar the best of food and drink.

  '"For Caribbee, or Barbaree, Or the shores of South Amerikee Are all the same to a Pirate bold, Whose thoughts are fixed on Spanish gold."

  'So one fine day I runs away A Pirate for to be; But I found there was never a Pirate left On the coast of Caribbee.

  'For Pirates go, but their next of kin Are Merchant Captains, hard as sin, And Merchant Mates as hard as nails Aboard of every ship that sails.

  'And I worked aloft and I worked below, I worked wherever I had to go, And the winds blew hard and the winds blew cold, And I sez to meself as the ship she rolled,

  '"O Caribbee! O Barbaree! O shores of South Amerikee! O, never go there: if the truth be told, You'll get more kicks than Spanish gold."'

  'And that's the truth, mate,' said Bill to Bunyip Bluegum. 'There ain'tno pirates nowadays at sea, except western ocean First Mates, and many'sthe bootin' I've had for not takin' in the slack of the topsail halyardsfast enough to suit their fancy. It's a hard life, the sea, and Samhere'll bear me out when I say that bein' hit on the head with abelayin' pin while tryin' to pick up the weather earing is anexperience that no man wants twice. But toon up, and a song all round.'

  'I shall sing you the "Penguin Bold",' said Sam, and, striking agraceful attitude, he sang this song--

  'To see the penguin out at sea, And watch how he behaves, Would prove that penguins cannot be And never shall be slaves. You haven't got a notion How penguins brave the ocean And laugh with scorn at waves.

  'To see the penguin at his ease Performing fearful larks With stingarees of all degrees, As well as whales and sharks; The sight would quickly let you know The great contempt that penguins show For stingarees and sharks.

  'O see the penguin as he goes A-turning Catherine wheels, Without repose upon the nose Of walruses and seals. But bless your heart, a penguin feels Supreme contempt for foolish seals, While he never fails, where'er he goes, To turn back-flaps on a walrus nose.'

  'It's all very fine,' said the Puddin' gloomily, 'singing about the joysof being penguins and pirates, but how'd you like to be a Puddin' and beeaten all day long?'

  And in a very gruff voice he sang as follows:--

  'O, who would be a puddin', A puddin' in a pot, A puddin' which is stood on A fire which is hot? O sad indeed the lot Of puddin's in a pot.

  'I wouldn't be a puddin' If I could be a bird, If I could be a wooden Doll, I would'n say a word. Yes, I have often heard It's grand to be a bird.

  'But as I am a puddin', A puddin' in a pot, I hope you get the stomach ache For eatin' me a lot. I hope you get it hot, You puddin'-eatin' lot!'

  'Very well sung, Albert,' said Bill encouragingly, 'though you're atrifle husky in your undertones, which is no doubt due to the gravy inyour innards. However, as a reward for bein' a bright little feller weshall have a slice of you all round before turnin' in for the night.'

  So they whistled up the plum-duff side of the Puddin', and had supper.When that was done, Bill stood up and made a speech to Bunyip Bluegum.

  'I am now about to put before you an important proposal,' said Bill.'Here you are, a young intelligent feller, goin' about seein' the worldby yourself. Here is Sam an' me, two as fine fellers as ever walked,goin' about the world with a Puddin'. My proposal to you is--Join us,and become a member of the Noble Society of Puddin'-owners. The dutiesof the Society,' went on Bill, 'are light. The members are required towander along the roads, indulgin' in conversation, song and story,eatin' at regular intervals at the Puddin'. And now, what's youranswer?'

  'My answer,' said Bunyip Bluegum, 'is, Done with you.' And, shakinghands warmly all round, they loudly sang--

  THE PUDDIN'-OWNERS' ANTHEM

  'The solemn word is plighted, The solemn tale is told, We swear to stand united, Three puddin'-owners bold.

  'When we with rage assemble, Let puddin'-snatchers groan; Let puddin'-burglars tremble, They'll ne'er our puddin' own.

  'Hurrah for puddin'-owning, Hurrah for Friendship's hand, The puddin'-thieves are groaning To see our noble band.

  'Hurrah, we'll stick together, And always bear in mind To eat our puddin' gallantly, Whenever we're inclined.'

  Having given three rousing cheers, they shook hands once more and turnedin for the night. After such a busy day, walking, talking, fighting,singing, and eating puddin', they were all asleep in a pig's whisper.